It's easy to list off things you want in the future.  It's fun to fantasize about it.  A big house, a job I love that also pays well, a nice car, a puppy that will cuddle next to me.  Thoughts like this are a welcome escape from reality - a temporary distraction before life sets in again.  But when I start imagining my future, the things I think of are just that - things.  If i sit back and really picture my life ten or twenty years from now, I don't picture objects to purchase or jobs to perform.  The whole entity of the future becomes entirely abstract.

I want to be happy and healthy, and I want the people I love to be happy and healthy too.  I want to have people in my life that know me and love me for it.  People who would drop everything if I needed them.  People I'd instantly do the same for.  I want a place where I can unwind and let loose and finally just be myself.  I want to actually believe I deserve success.   I want to feel smarter than I do now, to finally shake the feeling that I'm a complete moron who is simply good at hiding it.  I want to be able to look in the mirror and not be disgusted by who I see.  I want to accept me.  That is what I want for myself.  The rest is just stuff.

18.1.12  1:00am