Comfortable.

It's been an interesting couple of weeks, full of travel and rest, illness and stress, oscillating between all four in a frantic zig-zag pattern not worth outlining.  I guess that's the holidays for you.  So the holidays were good, family is good, vacation was good.  Back to life and work and school and all that jazz.  Cue Catherine Zeta-Jones.  Happy 2013 y'all.  Now that that's out of the way…

I've achieved a sense of inner peace that I don't think I've felt before.  At least, I haven't felt anything like it in quite a long time.  There's been a lot on my mind the last couple of months (because having a lot on my mind is so rare for me, I know), but it seems to have finally settled down a little bit.

I have had to come to terms with a lot of things about myself lately.  My morality, my sanity, my mortality, and faith.  Not in a religious sense.  We all know where I stand on that.  My faith in others (and my faith in myself).  I've confronted my ability to trust my own judgment, and my ability to keep things to myself.  I've questioned how much people really need to know about me, and whether it's better to save people from pain or let them cope with it on their own.  I've thought long and hard about what I want to do with my time and how I want to spend my hours, days, and years.  I've had to face a lot of questions about how I interact with other people and my inability to trust....anyone.  A lot of this was happening on a partly subconscious level.  I think that's the only way my brain knew how to process it.  If it had all been conscious, my body probably would have shut down.

But yes, a lot of thinking, contemplating, judging, and hypothesizing.  And it feels really good to feel like I know where I stand now…to have made a decision, reached a conclusion, and felt it resonate in my gut as well as my head.  To feel like everything is in sync again and to not feel a disconnect between the signals in my body.  To know what I want and what I have and to be content with it.  Feels good.