Goodbye.

I'm sitting here, wide-awake.  According to your clock, it's nearly 3am.

You're lying next to me, facing me.  You look peaceful, your frown lines are no longer visible in the calm of sleep.  Those frown lines, probably caused by me over time.  In this moment, you look like the man I fell in love with.

You're sleeping deeply.  I can tell because your breath is slow and steady.  There isn't much I could do to wake you right now.  Not that I want to.

I think back to how I used to enjoy waking up before you.  Stretching in bed, watching you inhale and exhale, slowly tracing your outline with my fingers.  Moving my hand lower until I reached my target and then sliding my body down so that my mouth could claim my prize.  Keeping my eyes open so I could watch as you woke up and realized why you felt so good.  Feeling your hands tangle in my hair, urging me on.  Licking my lips once you were done and sheepishly saying good morning.  Knowing that you would relish making me feel just as good.

I miss those days.  I miss when I thought you were all I needed.  When all I wanted was lying in bed with me.  I miss the bliss of love, the ignorance of youth.

This will probably be on repeat for the next ever.

Lies

Marina & the Diamonds

You're never gonna love me, so what's the news?
What's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose?
What's the point of saying you love me like a friend?
What's the point of saying it's never gonna end?

You're too proud to say that you've made a mistake
You're a coward to the end
I don't wanna admit, but we're not gonna fit
No, I'm not the type that you like
Why don't we just pretend?

Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh
I can't let you go, can't let you go oh
I just want it to be perfect
To believe it's all been worth a fight
Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh

You only ever touch me in the dark
Only if we're drinking can you see my spark
And only in the evening that you give yourself to me
Cause the night is your woman, and she'll set you free

You're too proud to say that you've made a mistake
You're a coward to the end
I don't wanna admit, but we're not gonna fit
No, I'm not the type that you like
Why don't we just pretend?

Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh
I can't let you go, can't let you go oh
I just want it to be perfect
To believe it's all been worth a fight
Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh

Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh
I can't let you go, can't let you go oh
I just want it to be perfect
To believe it's all been worth a fight
Lies, don't wanna know, don't wanna know oh

I'm too drained to relocate to my bed, so I suppose I'll just stay here curled up in my chair a while longer.  It's been a long couple of days.  I've been burned - literally and figuratively - and I've traveled a few thousand miles.  I've napped and relaxed, thought and talked, peeled and began piecing myself back together.  I'm exhausted.

I'm not sure you understand why I'm mad at you.  I'm not even sure you realize that I still am.  Now you know.