It's bad, and I'm guilty of doing it a lot, and it makes situations and ideas exponentially more painful and complicated. But since I have little else to do right now, I struggle to avoid getting stuck in my thoughts, thinking and assessing until I can't see straight and every thoughts makes me want to cry.
And so, I cried a lot yesterday. I couldn't shut off my brain, and I hadn't slept, and I couldn't find the words to explain how I felt - or why - to anyone. Yesterday was miserable and I quite literally wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I leaned on my family and friends a lot more than I have in years, probably. They were all great. Some of their advice and ideas I agreed with. Some of it, not so much. But frankly, just being able to get some things out of my head and hear them aloud helped tremendously.
Today has been significantly better. No tears, the weather is in the 60s and rainy (aka I'm in heaven), and I went for a 2.5 mile run today. The rain, the clean air, feeling the pounding in my chest and my soles hitting the pavement...it was wonderfully freeing and helped me clear my mind. Now I just need to shake this headache - no doubt brought on by the fact that I haven't eaten a meal in 36 hours. Oops.
