I have a piece of advice to offer to anyone out there that may come across this. If a person ever, ever, mentions to you that they have ever been suicidal, they've ever doubted their desire to live, or that they've wanted to die to escape their own personal misery, you have no right to tell them that their feelings are unfounded, their panic unreasonable, or their fears exaggerated. I don't care if the person is young or old, male or female, known to be depressed or just hiding it well. Even if it comes up 8 years later in conversation and you think that they are better now, you don't tell someone that their panic, fear, and fears about continuing to live are being felt for no reason. There's always a reason. Always.
You don't need to understand it. You don't need to empathize with it, or sympathize with it, or even know the details. The reason may seem entirely stupid to you, or it may be something that would make you feel the same way if you were in that situation. It doesn't matter. You accept that the person is (or was) dealing with something they felt they can't handle, and you support them. You refer them for help if need be. Is it your responsibility to keep them alive? No, and you can't feel that pressure on you so that their potential decision becomes a guilt you carry for the next several decades. But the decent human being thing to do is to at the very least not insult them or what they are going through. I really don't think that's too much to ask.
Another thing to think about, just from me to you?
Don't assume you know everything. It's impossible. The human brain has vast skills and can surpass some seemingly insurmountable odds, but there really are still limits. So listen to others, take their advice and suggestions in before immediately disregarding them. They may see something you don't. Or hey, maybe they've already experienced it and you can learn from their past rather than having to do it on your own. Really, this doesn't just apply to the people who refuse to listen to advice because they believe they know everything. It applies to the people too stubborn to seek advice in the first place, who would rather flounder miserably on their own rather than to possibly have to rely on someone else for help. Needing other people isn't weakness. It's normal. We can't do, see, or understand everything on our own.
One last thing. The people in your life who are there for you at your best are great, but the ones who will listen to you at your very worst - take your yelling and try to help, fight back but still be there if you need them, listen to you when you just need to let it all out, rub your back while you cry, and who will deal with 6am texts or 2am rants - those are the ones worth keeping around. They don't come around often, so keep them close. You need them more than you know.
And just to return to what started this whole train of thought in the first place. Do not ever undermine the feelings of someone who is talking to you about their desires to just escape in the most permanent way possible. If they are telling you that, they are trusting you with a large part of themselves - a part no one else might be aware of. Undermining that is an insult to them and to yourself, and you never know just how close they still are.
9:20pm 16.4.13
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