I...don't know.

Shame on me for wanting you the way I fantasize about.

Shame on me for letting myself fall for you. I know better. I don't fall. Hell, I rarely crush. I'm always too busy. Too introverted. Too depressed. Too lost in my own head. I hate that world, but at least I'm comfortable there. This new world. These butterflies. This constant desire to know you better. To know what makes you tick. To get inside your head. It makes me a little queasy. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. It's definitely outside my own little world, that's for certain.

I like what I do know about you. I find you charming. Sweet. Sincere. Entertaining. The more I discover, the more questions I have. This is pretty new for me. I don't know that I like it. I don't know that I don't. I...don't know. Uncertainty does not sit well with me. I'd rather know something and dislike it than to leave things unknown. I don't know what you're thinking or how you feel. I don't know how to get into those parts of your brain. I'm not sure I'd like what I'd find there. I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
I like having you in my life. I miss seeing you, but I love when we talk. I feel like you're slowly letting me in. I want to tell you all of my secrets. I want to be completely honest. I want you to know me. To know what made me who I am. Maybe someday. I know that odds are we will never be more than friends. But that doesn't mean I can't hope, right? And even if nothing ever happens - if we are never more than this - I hope you are around for a long time. I've quickly grown accustomed to your presence.
I don't want to be one of those girls who questions every word and overthinks every exchange. But you try telling that to my overly analytical brain. Most people describe crushes as fun, exciting, new. Me? I just feel perpetually on edge. Afraid of misunderstandings and incorrect interpretations. A thousand what-ifs and just as many questions bubbling to the surface. But mostly, I wonder if your own depression has made you blind to how I feel just as mine had for so long.

What I'd give, what I'd do. I just want to work you out.

12:49am 9.16.10