Finally back home, after a week of being away.  I am so tired of traveling, of being away from my bed and not having my own space.  And I'm back in my tiny apartment where 90% of my stuff is packed in boxes, but it still feels more comfortable than anywhere I've been in quite a while.  So it's 4:30pm and I'm in my pajamas, sitting in bed, content.

It's been a long week and a half.  A lot has changed, in some ways, but in other ways it feels like I'm completely stuck.  I don't  have a way to easily explain it.

I have a place to live.  After two trips to Milwaukee - both planned last minute and ultimately with money I didn't have to blow - easily a hundred phone calls, and way too much stress, I have a place.  And I  move in on July 27th.  3 weeks.  Eek.


It's nice though.  Way bigger than I have now (910 sq ft!!), 2 bedrooms, tons of storage, pet friendly, private entrance, good-sized balcony, and set on 13 acres of well-maintained grounds.  Soo much closet space.  Approximately 8 minutes to school.  I've been playing with a floor-plan-organizer online, figuring out where I want to put what.  I think I have it mostly figured out now.  I got to wander around the school too, and I'm really excited to get there and get started.

But first I need to get there, which is slightly difficult.  Trying to coordinate a 12 hour drive is incredibly frustrating.  My parents were initially very willing to help, but that didn't last long (shocker).  So now they're saying "Oh, just pay someone to do it for you!", not acknowledging that it will cost well over $1000 to pay someone to ship everything for me.  I just don't have a grand lying around.  I could rent a trailer and we could caravan up there for cheaper, but my parents are totally unwilling to do such a thing.  How dare I possibly try to expect them to go out of their way to help.  I knew this would happen when they first suggested helping out.  I keep waiting for the day when I feel like I can actually count on them…I need to just accept that that day isn't coming.

I'm just tired.  Chalk that up to the being away from home, trying to think through this move, and just general not sleeping well.  I'm drained.  And I've been feeling strangely distant from friends who I'm used to talking to regularly.  It's summer, and we all have different things going on, but it's just an adjustment I haven't fully made yet.  I want to go to St. Louis and visit my brothers, but I don't have the spare cash for gas, not to mention the money that inevitably gets spent on them when I'm home.  It makes me sad, because I miss those two not-so-little-anymore brats.  I know they want to help me move, but if my parents continue to be useless, then I doubt that will happen.

I will start job hunting more seriously when I get up there.  I've looked a little bit, but it's hard to make arrangements or apply when I know I won't be able to interview for nearly a month.

I've still not fully grasped that I will be living in a city where I know literally not a soul.  It's such a bizarre feeling.  And a little bit intimidating.  I don't want to do what I did after I left med school and just curl up in my apartment by myself for extended periods of time.  But that takes motivation…something maybe I will find in the move.  But I will be near Chicago, and in a town that knows what hockey is, and at a new school with new people and new places to explore.  I'm excited.  And nervous, and overwhelmed, and terrified, and lots of other emotions.

But mostly, at this moment now that I'm finally in my own space and can relax for the first time in over a week, I'm just feeling the exhaustion.  I should try to find a way to cheer myself up.  Or maybe I'll just nap.

4.7.12  4:25pm