To Write

I can't write poetry or lyrics. Hand me a guitar and tell me to outline a song and I'm lost. Force me into the confines of a structure and I falter. I freeze, my mind goes blank, and I might start to cry. I've tried dozens of times to write a limerick, sonnet, or haiku. My song lyrics come out as drivel. I simply do not possess those skills. The people who do never cease to amaze me.

No music. No poetry. No lyrics. Where does that leave me? It leaves me with the spoken word. Prose. Senseless ramblings, mainly. Sometimes, they develop into a pattern of sorts, but it's pretty rare. I don't think in eloquent phrases. I don't write rhymes that can both bring a smile to your face and cause your heart to wrench. I just...write. It's for me, mostly. Writing helps me sort ouf how I feel - something I struggle with daily - and sometimes assists me in releasing some of the stress and tension that I put on myself. Putting a pen to paper (or fingers to a keyboard) is often all it takes for me to relax, unwind, and get in touch with myself again.

Inspiration is a funny thing. It can come from a word I hear on the radio. A phrase I come across in my dreams. A memory once considered lost. A scent, an image, a stray emotion. A what-if that is out of control. It can hide from me for months, and then sneak up and knock me on my ass. It can control my thoughts, forcing me to lose focus on everything else in the world. It can cause me to lose sleep. I wish I could bottle inspiration up and save it for when I actually had time for it. Alas, that's not the way the world works. I take it when it comes, hate it when it's absent, and always wonder when I will see it again.

If you hate what I write, that's alright with me. I may be too honest for you. I might have an opinion that is in stark contrast to yours. You may think I am too emotional, or too logical, or crazy, or heartless. You may see my need to write in order to discover how I feel as a weakness. And that's okay. You see it how you want to. I see it as the easiest and cheapest way to guarantee my own sanity. I'm sorry if what I write offends you, makes you feel uncomfortable, or seems a little bit too honest and personal. Trust me, it's just a tiny bit of what's going on in my head. Scary thought, right?

12:45pm 10.11.10