She knew then.

This is an old piece, but one I rediscovered going through my folder of random scribblings today. I hope you like it; feedback is always appreciated.
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She sat, legs across his lap, arm around his neck, and stared at his face. His downward-glancing eyes. His grim expression, struggling to contain the misery he felt inside. She would have done anything to take away his pain or to distract his mind for just a moment. She didn’t know how to fix it. Hell, she wasn’t even sure what was wrong. So she sat and waited.

Moments drug out like hours as she waited for him to speak. To open up. To let her in and finally take advantage of all her offers of help. She wanted to fix everything, or at least be there to listen. To help him think things through. It was the least she could do, after all he had done for her.

She felt his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her closer. His eyes still fixed on a spot below.

Sitting was driving her crazy. She wanted to do…something. But that obviously was not what he needed. When she simply could not sit still any longer, she moved the hand draped around his neck and pushed his hair out of his eyes. His beautiful eyes, that served as direct access to his innermost secrets. Eyes she could get lost in for hours. Eyes that, if she could only get him to look up, might give her the slightest idea of what thoughts were rushing through his brain. She ran her fingers through his hair a few more times before letting her hand return to his chest.



She just wanted him to talk. He had to know she was there for him. He had to know that she cared so much that his silence was hurting her.

She leaned forward and lay her head against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms tighter still. His shirt felt damp on her cheek. She noticed it then, something she had been obscenely unobservant not to have seen before. She lifted her head again and slowly, deliberately, kissed away the tears rolling down his cheek. He did not respond. She gently cupped his chin and turned his head, to continue on the other side. When she was done, she kissed his forehead, just once.

She wasn’t trying to distract him from his thoughts. No. She wanted only to express how she cared without breaking the silence that had started so long ago. The silence that made her mind race and her heart ache.  The silence that she prayed would be broken soon. A silence so complete she felt its dizzying weight bearing down on her soul.

Every moment that passed compounded her fears. With no insight into his thoughts, with nothing to surmise about from recent conversations, she couldn’t stop her mind from jumping to conclusions. The sheer number of possibilities of what could be causing his torment was daunting.

When she felt like she might have to scream – to shatter the silence that was making her claustrophobic – she felt his hands slide up her body, settling on her face, caressing her cheeks. She closed her eyes and felt him kiss her fully. She thought she could taste his depression - the taste of regret and drastically changing futures. This was a kiss of love, loss, passion, and good-bye. She dreaded opening her eyes. When she did, she was accosted by his electric blue stare, filled with the words she desperately wanted to avoid. She knew then. He would be gone.

20.7.10 12:39am